Over the last few months, I have found a few pieces to a very old puzzle. I feel like these pieces complete this puzzle that is from 1985. These pieces enable me to put this puzzle away and move on. I have shared this story with a few people, and they have encouraged me to share it here, so here it goes.

She is Me Conference

About two and a half months ago, I was a speaker at the She is Me Conference. She is Me is a global conference platform, and speakers were from all over the world. It is a safe place to share your story and let others know they are not alone. There are several conferences throughout the year; I recommend checking them out.

I had never told my story from beginning to end in this way before. The days leading up to my speaking time were filled with piles of Kleenex, but with every tear that fell, more healing was happening. I made it through my speech with a few tears and so much release that I felt terrific. I was so proud of myself and grateful that I had made it to a place where I could talk about everything. I knew that telling my story wasn’t necessarily for the people watching it but for me. To release the ties I had held on to for far too long and let go of the pain. It was liberating. I felt like a million bucks!

Not long after the conference, I was off to learn Cranial Sacral Therapy. I had wanted to take this course for about 20 years, and it never lined up. I know the Universe was waiting for this moment FOR me. As I sat in the space with 18 other people, I realized I was there for a different purpose. It was more than learning about Cranial Sacral. I didn’t know what it would be, but I knew something was coming. Through the 4 days, I discovered that the She is Me event was the gateway to bringing all the emotions and trauma to just under the surface. Here I am, thinking I had nailed it; in reality, I was taking the nails out of the lid still perched on top of the box hiding inside me. On day 3, the instructor asked for a volunteer to use as a demonstration, and I willingly volunteered. In that treatment, she knocked the lid off that box, and all the goodies held inside for 35 years were ready to show themselves again. Oh yippee! I knew what had happened, but I was also in shock. I went home that afternoon and ate all the sugary stuff I had brought. If you know me, you know I love my sweets. Then I knew it was time.

Meditation

I put in my headphones and began to meditate. Meditation is my way of finding what’s within myself that needs healing. Here’s what came forward, and let me say, it wasn’t a nice easing into the meditation, I closed my eyes, and it was all in my face.

I was shown that I was in an accident, that it was meant for me to be in that accident, and I was meant to step into the roles I stepped into that night. As I continued to grow, all sorts of things happened, and again, they happened FOR me. Every day I have lived, I have always been tied to the accident and the 10-12 days following the accident. I don’t think a day passed that I didn’t think about it at least once. Here’s the thing: I was holding on to those 10-12 days so tightly that no matter how far away from those days I got, they were still impacting my day. I have lived over 13,800 days since our accident. Yet, here I was, letting that incident and the 10-12 days that followed have power over my current day. 13,800+ days, that’s a lot of days. I was willingly connecting myself to that time, and in doing so, I could not free myself from it completely. Once I figured this out, I found myself feeling very guilty. Guilty for not living 100% of every day. Over the last few months, I have been working at cutting the cords that tie me to those days and events and forgiving myself of the guilt. You do what you think is correct at the moment. I needed to hold on to all of that until now. Now I am in a place where I can understand and let it go. I can begin to live 100% in the present and move forward knowing I have made space and healed at a profound level.

It can be hard to hear that you’ve lived almost 14,000 days, and they weren’t to their fullest potential. This got me thinking about other things I may be holding on to that are holding me back. It makes me want to dive deeper into my shadows and see what’s lurking.

What are you connecting yourself to in the past at a conscious or subconscious level? If you have any trauma or any memories that you hold on a little too tight to, ask yourself this;

Do they bring you joy?
Do they bring up fear?
Do they bring up strong emotions?
Do you have a physical response?

If you answered these questions and are now questioning why you’re still holding on, you can ask if you’re ready to release it. Maybe, by you reading this post, I have been able to help knock the lid off your own box hidden deep inside. If that’s the case, know that it’s the right time for you to let go. Imagine using giant scissors and cutting that energetic cord linking you to that point in time. Free yourself from that small moment in a big life.

It’s your turn to live too.

It’s your turn to live fully. It’s your turn to live in the present and every moment. It’s a big life we live, and when we can understand that things happen FOR us, we can get to a place where we can let go. It took me almost 14,000 days to get here; that’s when it would work for me. It may take you a longer or shorter amount of time. It’s not the time that matters; it’s what you do when you finally understand and choose change. We can look from a different reality, and it becomes easier for us to let things go. It becomes a space where we can contemplate how we really feel and see all the angles.

My personal avenue for healing is mostly through meditation. If you’re interested in learning more about this, please reach out. I’m always happy to help. If you are digging deep on your own, I wish you good luck and success in cutting the cords, letting things go, and moving a step ahead.

If you liked this post, you may also like this post about seeing yourself clearly and liking what you see.